my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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