so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
