& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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