Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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