Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
