Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
