we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
