I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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