I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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