he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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