I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
