In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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