Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
