I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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