did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
