If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
