People in love make me want to vomit
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
