my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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