a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
