Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
