Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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