While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
