census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
