I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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