Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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