so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
