he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
