well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize