I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
