"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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