Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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