I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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