It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
