I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
