If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
