I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
