My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
