He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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