ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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