and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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