He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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