she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
