why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
