do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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