WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
