normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
