This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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