I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
