You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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