They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
