my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
