We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
