I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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