Yo dont text me then not text me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Randomize
