i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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