I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
