Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
