She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
