I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
