What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
