I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
