its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
