i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
