i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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