Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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