i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
